My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
