Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Someone shattered a urinal.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
