dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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