Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
