Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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