I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
