I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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