Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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