but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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