Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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