Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
