so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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