sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
