He uses pillows to masturbate.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
