I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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