Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
