Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
