just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
