how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
