I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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