YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
