You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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