So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
