dude i'm inner monologue high
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
