whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
