In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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