the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i came on her dog
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize