Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
