I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
