On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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