Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
