my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
