Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
