my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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