I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
