Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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