i think i have herpe
just one?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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