Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
COCAINE IS GR8
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
