i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
