I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
