Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
