woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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