There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i think my mom watched the whole time
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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