My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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