my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
