Duck Duck Cougar?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
