Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
