We're facebook friends in real life
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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