The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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