That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
