Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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