your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
