Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
