There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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