dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
