Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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