So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
