Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just blew my weed a kiss
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize