we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
