Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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