shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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