Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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