I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
