Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
