I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
