I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
