So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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